Near every morning before school, Josh, 9 scream, will cry and do everything possible to stay at home. "He'll whine on and on, I can not feel well. I hate my teacher. School is boring," say his parents, Suzanne and Rob, which they say hit the wall with her behavior. "He loved school," says Suzanne. "I'm not sure what happened, but in recent years, a struggle just to get him out the door."
If you are a parent, it is almost inevitable that youShe wanted to meet with your child does not go to school at some point. The most important thing is that you correctly identify the problem. If the workload of "peer pressure" or individually to meet your child? It is important for parents to watch your child's situation well: it requires more sleep or is it a social problem? Or is the child who does not have sufficient mastery to help solve problems, to solve the problem, get out of bed if he does not want? Sometimes children are afraid ofa tyrant, and in fact, the prevention of school is one of the first signs that your child is being bullied, so be sure to explore this possibility. And there are other children who do not want to respond to the structure and have difficulty with authority. Do not go to school is to act on a different path for her. In all these cases, it is important for you to understand that the child's refusal to go to school is his way of solving a problem that is real to him. As we see more and moreagain with children as they solve problems and other difficulties. It is therefore very important that you help your child develop skills for solving problems on their own, so that any problems at any level than anything that arises, your child will be able to find a way to determine the success .
Your child may also complain of boredom in school. Some studies show that some children say, they get bored, they may actually be somewhat annoyed. And you know what to do childrenangry with the school, it is sometimes inconvenient. But parents should be able to tell their children that it is their responsibility to go to school. You have to say: "You have to go to school, even if you bored. It is your responsibility. This is not your mood, it is your responsibility. If it less boring, you want to have to do more interesting things to it in balance. "
This is the motivation and the consequences (just as it is with adults)
TruthMillions of people wake up to go to work every day. One way to see is that these people have the problem to go in order to solve to be successful. The reason they have to solve their problem, because it is a constellation of problem solving skills that they allow their task in the real world, have developed.
If you are looking at the problem-solving skills of adults, there are two things: the motivation and the consequences. Motivation is why they have to go to work. You have to feed theirFamily, they have to eat. They work harder to be a nicer car, nice clothes, going out at night. They are motivated. are the consequences if they do not get to work to do, they lose their jobs. Over time, they lose many jobs, they find themselves in trouble socially and economically.
The same motivation and consequences apply to your child if he does not want to go to school, and you need to learn that now for him. As a parent you have a goal in two parts to get: this kidwanted to go to school and to help solve or identify the problem and associated with him do not go to school.
The motivation is quite simply because it is simply to reward people. What I tell parents their children something like this: say "When you wake up on time, you are to remain in a position to 09.00 clock, you can listen to your radio after going to bed to sleep with you, or if They get up now, you can relax for an hour in your room and you have no curfew lawBedtime. "At any time parents need to connect, gets to school on time with good grades and good performance, and the children much assent to it. In fact, one thing that a parent might say, a child, I love you really get up in the morning. Did you always get up no? "What do you say if you do not want to get up?" You will teach your child how he thinks and solves the problem.
Give the consequences can just as easily. The key is notin a power struggle with the child, and combines the result of the situation. It is also important to begin to use consequences at an early age if the child resists going to school. Sometimes take the consequences of withholding something, as letting the child do not stay up later, and sometimes they include the use of something. "It's not the whole week to get, so for the next week, before going to bed an hour earlier. And when you get in time, we will talk about youBack to the list we had before, but now you have to show me. "
If your child has a problem must be removed by getting up in the morning, certainly TV, video games and time of the phone and should have consequences, by preventing or restricting the time your child with these things could be provided.
New borders and let the child from the consequences of natural disasters
Do not go to school, a symptom of a larger problem is sometimes. TheChild is not meeting its overall responsibilities in school and at home. Some things must be noted here: It is important to see how parents communicate with children responsibility. He has much to do with how seriously they now their responsibility. Parents of children who resist and fight to go to school should be a whole new way to examine communicate with their children and a whole new approach to accountability at home. Ask yourself: Is my child was standing for most of the things I askhim? T he answer responsibilities at home? Is there a relatively unrestricted access to things such as video and computer games? "If the answer is yes, it's probably time to limit values for these things, so that one can use them as a consequence or a reward for getting up and going to school. Believe it or not, it can be done . It is easier, as parents, the way we do things with their children reflect restructuring.
A few quick tips: Do not try to have a serious discussion in theMorning on the problem of getting up with a child who does not get up This is not the time they can learn new skills to solve problems. They are too busy to justify their excuses and fight with you. The discussion of the problem should be done later. Second, if getting up is a chronic problem, parents need to accept that there are consequences imposed by the school and society, not only for the family. You need the child behind and no excuse. Write a note: "Itwould not get out of bed, please hold them responsible for the delay. "If the detention, fine resources. You did not protect your children from the consequences. The older children are missing, the class are doomed to failure, and that a consequence of itself.
So this week, if your child can not get out of bed or throws a fit again to go to school, these three things. First, it is important to correctly identify the problem. Skills require skills to identify problem-solving.Parents who are not equipped to do so should seek to cognitive behavior therapy-based help. Second, parents must decide what are the motivational tools they use to children, says out of bed on time I always feel that they can reward the problem of the bed taken out with success. And thirdly, you have no fear to use and apply the consequences and limits. There are no consequences for the meeting of responsibilities in the world, and should begin, if you're a child. And the differencebetween sanctions and consequences must be understood so that both can be used effectively by the parents.
Where does the ultimate responsibility?
I want two things: to focus young children with chronic refusal to get up out of bed, try the parents, the school system or community-based intervention resources at home, to give support to participate in the problem to address. In older children and adolescents, the same mediashould be sought, but often young people withstand higher levels of intervention, if they have a model of opposition and resistance. Although the parents of this face with every means at their disposal, they must also have the recognition that teenagers and young adults in our society through the media and youth culture have their own sense of things to do. Parents can actually clueless when it comes to their children to fulfill certain functions, or go to school. In this case, you shouldTo oppose a higher kind of intervention for your home, and also accept that children, young people develop a capacity to the efforts of parents and sometimes they are actually choose to fail. I have known many young people get back to school Gedser, diplomas, evening classes, certificates of business school and a university degree after the failure of the school. Parents should work to accept that children, adolescents and young adults, responsibility, accountability andsocial consequences are more to your children for you. As a parent you have the best, and then accept what you have no control over.
Parents can often feel lonely in this kind of behavior power struggle at home. Frankly, in many cases they are alone. The youth and the professionals who bought into the youth culture, the promotion of the idea that children are not held accountable for its functions to fulfill. It is irrational to believe thatChildren are not the hard work it takes to need the skills they survive as adults without a clear motivation-following system / purchase in their lives. As a society, and certainly an educational culture, we have the myth that children not to accept strict liability. The acceptance of this myth is part of the basis of the theory is the production and acceptance of mediocrity, both in our teens and young adults. Easy for us, too bad for them.